Once You Know
by hpmaniac666
Summary: Companions aren’t supposed to fall in love. Inara wants to know what it feels like to hear those three special words. SK, implied MI.
1. Chapter 1

Companions aren't supposed to fall in love. Inara wants to know what it feels like to hear those three special words. S/K, implied M/I.

Once you know

Inara was sitting on her bed, thinking, when Kaylee bounced into the shuttle, skipped over to her, and flopped down on the bed beside her, beaming up at her friend.

"It's true what they say," Kaylee told her, in the same blissful, relaxed tone she'd been speaking in all week.

"What's that, mei mei?" Inara inquired, amused.

"It really is better when you're in love," Kaylee wiggled her eyebrows a little, ensuring that Inara didn't miss the full meaning of her statement.

Inara allowed herself an indulging smile. "Is that so?"

"It surely is," Kaylee murmured, her eyes fluttering closed.

Inara giggled. "So, top marks for Simon then?"

Kaylee's eyes flicked open at once, now filled with a mischievous glint that spread to her wicked smile. "I'll say." She licked her lips. "I dunno how he got to be so good, but I don't think he learned it at medical school!"

Inara reached down and stroked her friends her, resigning herself to the play by play she had known she would receive all week. "Tell me,"

Kaylee closed her eyes once more, as if to allow her self to fully access her memories. "It aint like sex I've ever had before 'Nara. It's different. Sometimes it's real slow, when we're tired, an' we barely even move, we just lie there kissing, an' it's …" she trailed off, unable to find an adequate word.

Inara simply watched her, silently urging her to continue.

"And sometimes, if'n I'm working in the engine room late, an' I'm thinking about him … by the time I get my hands on him I just can't think anymore, I just grab him, an'…" she giggled. "That's always pretty incredible."

She paused, her face relaxing into a gentler smile.

"And sometimes," she began, and her voice had taken on a new tranquil quality, "sometimes, it's like he's trying to prove how much he loves me. And he just let's me lie back and then…oh, 'Nara. I didn't know it was possible to feel so good."

Inara remained silent, still stroking the mechanic's soft hair.

"An' it aint even just the sex," Kaylee went on. "It's before… and it's after, when we just lie there talking. 'Nara, we talk about everything, and anything, and I dunno why I love it so much. It's like I wanna know everything about him, 'bout his past, 'bout working at the hospital, 'bout growing up with River… an' he asks me stuff too, 'bout growing up on Harvest, 'bout Serenity…" she gave a pleasant sigh. "It's in between, too. Through the day when he comes an' finds me jus' to tell me…"

Inara raised her eyebrows. "So the magical words have been spoken then," she asked, slightly surprised and impressed by the usually reserved doctor.

Kaylee looked up at her friend, her eyes wide and innocent. "O' course 'Nara. There aint no point in waiting to say 'em, once you know."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, each lost in her own thoughts.

"What does it feel like?" Inara asked quietly. "To hear those words from someone you love?"

Kaylee thought about the question, a small smile on her face.

"When you hear 'em," she started after a moment, "It's like… it's like you been waiting your whole life, for something, an' you don't know what. An' then you hear those words, 'an you know … that's what you was waiting for. You know that wherever you are … flying out in the black, struggling to get by on the rim, or living in the core … you know that, so long as he's there … you're safe. You're home."

A single tear ran down Inara's face. She looked around her shuttle, her home. She looked at her beautiful décor and fine possessions, and wondered if they were what made it a home. And then she looked at the door and thought about a certain captain who never knocked, and knew that they weren't.

Fin.


	2. Once You Fall

Once You Fall

Mal sat in the galley alone, clearing away the mess that had been left after dinner. The ship was quiet, as everyone had turned in for the night. Half grumbling to himself that Kaylee had neglected her turn to wash up, presumably to spend more time in Simon's bunk, Mal stacked the dishes in the sink.

Finishing, he was about to turn in when he heard something. He paused. Someone was whistling.

Nonplussed, Mal followed the sound, and found his way to the infirmary. He watched, half in amusement, half in disbelief, as Simon moved around the room, tidying, and all the while whistling softly to himself.

When he was done, Simon dimmed the lights and turned, to find Mal standing in the doorway.

"Son of a…" he yelled. He attempted to compose himself. "Captain. Something I can do for you?"

Mal grinned. "Feelin' a mite cheerful, aren't we?"

Simon looked vaguely abashed, but was smiling nonetheless. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Right," Mal agreed. "So your whistling a happy tune like you ain't got a care in the 'verse, that ain't got anything to do with my lil' Kaylee?"

Simon actually blushed at that, and Mal laughed out loud. "Oh, you've got it bad."

"Maybe," Simon said softly. The two men moved back into the infirmary, Mal leaning against the counter and watching the doctor as he found something else to fiddle with.

"And is there any particular reason why you're interested?" Simon asked, not looking up. The though of Mal taking an interest in his love life struck an ominous chord within him.

"You just make me chuckle is all," Mal said. "The prissy, core-bred doctor spends eight months on this boat and refuses to let go of his refined ways. Then my mechanic gets him in the sack and suddenly he's whistling…"

Simon laughed.

"And smiling!" Mal added, sounding incredulous.

"I know, it's hard to believe, but I'm actually not a robot," Simon said.

There was a comfortable pause.

"So tell me," Mal said, "what took you so long?"

Simon sobered slightly. "All sorts of reasons…"

"Like what?"

Mal met Simon's weary expression with an amused grin, and somehow he felt compelled to answer.

"Well, River for one… I guess I thought she needed my full time attention. And Kaylee … to Kaylee, everything's always so simple … and my life is anything but."

"Didn't wanna drag her down with you?" Mal enquired.

"Something like that."

Mal shook his head. "For all your smarts you can be mighty dim when it comes to people, Simon."

"It's been said," Simon agreed.

There was another moment's pause, before Mal asked another pressing question.

"And do you love her?"

Simon met his gaze, and Mal could see a glimmer of defiance in his blue eyes. "Yes."

"Huh. Good. 'Cos I don't want my mechanic gettin' all upset. I've woke up to no gravity before an' it ain't an experience I wish to repeat."

Simon surveyed the captain calmly. "Why are we having this discussion, captain?"

Mal looked at his feet, shifting uncomfortably, and didn't answer. "How'd you tell her?"

There was a pause, and Mal looked up. "You have told her?"

Simon nodded. "Yes. I just told her. It seemed like the thing to do."

"You told her without messing up?"

"I think I'm growing."

"Well," Mal said, blinking. "I'm shocked my own self. And all kinds of proud."

"Are you always this sentimental," Simon joked, and Mal grinned, remembering.

"So when did you know?"

"Know what?" Simon asked, wondering why he was so oddly comfortable with this increasingly unusual conversation.

"That you loved her…"

Simon moved over to straighten the infirmary chair, considering. "It's not like I woke up one morning and knew. It just, crept up on me." He looked back at Mal. "But I know I've been denying it to myself for a long time."

There was a short pause, and then he continued. "But it's only so long you can deny things, even to yourself. You can have any reason in the 'verse to run away, but once you…" he trailed off, embarrassed.

"Fall," Mal supplied. "Once you fall there's no climbing back up?"

Simon surveyed the captain thoughtfully. "Are you speaking from experience?"

Mal shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. "Just getting' caught up in your poetical yapping," he said lightly.

Unconvinced, Simon nodded politely. "Well."

"Well," Mal agreed. Then, "Don't let me be keeping you. I'm sure lil' Kaylee's waiting on you."

Smiling, Simon followed Mal out of the infirmary, shutting the door behind them.

"Goodnight, captian," he said.

"Night 'doc," Mal replied, heading for the stairs.

Simon thought for a moment, then on a whim, called after the captain. "Mal?"

Mal paused halfway up the stairs. "Yep?"

There was laughter in Simon's voice as he spoke. "Climbing can be hard work, and in my experience, pointless." He paused. "Falling is preferable."

Mal let the words seep in; he had the feeling the doctor knew something he shouldn't.

"Stop talking in riddles," he said gruffly, "you're as crazy as your sister."

Simon just laughed, and as Mal entered his bunk, he could swear he heard the man resume his whistling.


	3. Once You Lose Your Heart

Once You Lose Your Heart.

Simon opened the door to Kaylee's bunk, smiling fondly at the bright lights and colourful sign. Climbing down the ladder as quietly as he could, so as not to wake her, he slipped off his shoes and quickly undressed. Glancing down at her sleeping form, and brushing a wisp of stray hair off her face, he crawled into bed beside her. Relaxing against the pillows, he felt Kaylee shift a little towards him, curling one arm over his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple, and then regretted it when she began to stir.

"Bao bei?" he whispered, wondering if she would wake.

She let out a contented moan and her eyes flickered open.

Simon winced. "Sorry bao bei, I didn't mean to wake you…"

"S'okay," she muttered sleepily, leaning up to kiss him. "You just come to bed?"

"Mmm hmm," he assented, stroking her hair.

Kaylee pulled a face. "What can you possibly find to do all the time? No one's been hurt in ages."

"Two days," Simon amended.

"Two days," Kaylee corrected herself. She paused. "Well, two days is quite a long time for us."

Simon chuckled softly, pulling her closer. "I was talking to the captain," he told her.

"Oh." She paused. "Were you fighting?"

"No!" Simon told her indignantly, and she giggled. "What do you think I am?" Simon teased, bringing his face to hers and kissing her gently.

"Well…" she giggled some more.

"Huh," Simon said, trying to sound offended, "I see."

Kaylee kissed him once more and he smiled. She snuggled into his chest, closing her eyes again.

"What was you talking about?" she asked sleepily.

"You," he told her, torn between staring at her and allowing his own tired eyes to close.

"Me?"

"He wanted to know if I love you," Simon said, his voice taking on a tender tone.

He watched the smile grow on her face. "And what did you say?"

Simon moved his face closer, so his breathe tickled the skin behind her ear as he spoke. "I said yes."

"Good," she said, sounding content. There was a pause. "Was this the whole 'Do-you-love-her-or-will-I-have-to-throw-you-out-the-airlock' conversation?"

"No," Simon answered, chuckling. "He was asking me how I knew."

Kaylee's eyes flew open. She raised her head, staring at him in awe. "Really?"

Simon nodded. "I think we may have been unknowingly talking about Inara."

Kaylee's shocked expression changed to one of amusement. They had talked before about their suspicions concerning the captain and Serenity's resident companion.

"That's funny," Kaylee said, "I was in Inara's shuttle before…"

"Yeah, that is funny," Simon agreed sarcastically, eyes twinkling.

She swatted his arm. "Shut up. I mean, when I was there, she was asking me the same kind of thing."

Simon expression was blank. "Shah muh?"

"Simon!" she cried, struggling to keep her voice down, "Pay attention. This is important. Inara was asking me how I knew I was in love. She was asking me what it was like to hear the words."

Simon smirked, leaning his forehead against hers. "And what is it like?" he asked, huskily.

She smiled against his lips. "It's fun."

"Fun?" He sounded offended again, and she laughed.

"You're missing the point, Simon!"

"Okay, okay. So Mal and Inara have serious issues." He observed Kaylee, amused. "Are you planning on interfering?

"No," she reassured him, and snuggled back into his chest. Contentedly, Simon closed his eyes.

"I'm planning on us both interfering," Kaylee continued, her words vibrating against his skin.

Simon sighed. "Of course you are."

She replied by kissing his chest softly, and Simon shook his head fondly.

"Love you, Kaylee."

He felt her smile against his skin. "Love you too."

Inara was sitting in the galley, quietly sipping tea and involuntarily thinking about her conversation the previous day with Kaylee, when he entered. With a barely discernable nod in her direction, he moved to the kitchenette and rummaged around for some form of edible breakfast.

"You're up early," she noted.

Mal paused in his actions and looked over at her. "What? I'm always up at the very crack of dawn, doin' capt'ny things, I'll have you know."

Inara raised an eyebrow. "At the crack of dawn? We're in space, Mal."

He shrugged.

"So where are we headed?" Inara asked.

"Ain't rightly sure just yet," Mal replied, moving to sit beside her. "Why, are we anxious to line up some clients?"

Inara rolled her eyes. "You know I haven't taken on any clients since … I came back."

"Right. I forgot. Taking a little extended leave?"

"I'm merely exploring my options," Inara said stiffly.

Mal pause, looking surprised. "Options?"

Inara lowered her eyes. "Mal…" she began, her voice taking on an entirely different tone.

_"Captain, need you on the bridge,"_ River's voiced piped through the comm., startling them both.

With one last, unreadable glance at Inara, Mal stalked from the room.

"Damn," whispered Kaylee, who had been watching the pair, hidden from sight in the hallway leading to the engine room.

Simon stood beside her, looking torn between amusement and exasperation. "So, what's your plan?"

Kaylee looked at him sceptically. "Hasn't being on this boat taught you anything? Plans never work." She winked at him. "Much better to just … wing it."

"You two can come out, you know," Inara called, not even turning.

Kaylee froze. Musing that it might be un-gentlemen-like of him to let her take all the blame, Simon prodded her towards the galley, following resignedly.

The couple entered the room, looking guilty. Inara smiled at them. "I appreciate the thought, Kaylee, but I don't need an intervention."

"You don't?" Kaylee said, looking non-plussed.

"No." Inara smiled at the puzzled expression on her friends face. "I did listen to what you said to me yesterday. And I can assure you, I know what I'm doing."

Kaylee blinked. "You do?"

Inara laughed softly. "Why do you think I came back?"

With that, she stood up gracefully and left the room, heading towards the bridge after Mal.

Kaylee and Simon exchanged similarly stunned looks. After a moment, a smile grew on Kaylee's face.

"Looks like you won't have to be interfering after all, sweetie," she told Simon brightly.

He pulled her closer, kissing her gently. "Good. I can think of a few things I'd much rather be doing."

Giggling, Kaylee pulled away.

"Not so fast … this just means we can get to work on River and Jayne."

"What!?" Simon exclaimed. She grinned wickedly at him, and darted out of his grasp. He chased her as she ran back to the engine room, giggling madly the whole way.

On the bridge, Inara stood a little behind Mal, watching as he debated with River over plotting their next course. His eyes darted over as he spoke, just for a moment, and he smiled as she met his gaze. Inara smiled back.

Kaylee had told her there was no point in waiting, that once you knew you loved someone, you should tell them. But Inara would wait. She knew she and Mal had many bridges to cross, but she had made up her mind. This time she wouldn't run away.

So much had passed between them since they had first met. She knew it would be foolish to assume that they could just confess their feelings and fall easily into a relationship. For them, nothing would be that simple, at least not for a while.

It might take baby steps for them to get there, but they would. She would follow Mal, because that was what you did, once you lost your heart.

_Fin_

* * *

Just in case anyone is interested, here are the lyrics to the song this fic was named after, Once You Lose Your Heart, from Me and My Girl. I sang this for my grade one singing exam (ah, memories) and I think it's appropriate. :D

_Once you lose you heart, _

_Once__ somebody takes it _

_From__ the place it rested in before_

_Once__ you lose your heart,_

_Once__ somebody wakes it_

_Then__ it isn't your heart anymore_

_It's gone before you knew it could ever go that way_

_And now you must pursue it forever and a day_

_Once you lose your heart_

_Once somebody takes it_

_There's one thing certain from the start_

_You'll find forever_

_You've got to follow your heart._


End file.
